We left for the Brisbane airport at 9:30 a.m., Monday, Oct. 20 with a stopover in Sydney and then on to Hawaii. 10 coffees, 5 meals, 3 movies, 2 shuttles, 22 hrs, 10 minutes later, we arrived Honolulu at 7:40 a.m., Oct. 20, 1 hr, 50 minutes before we departed. Go figure! At my age, I wish these kinds of time calculations occurred every day. Gaining approximately 2 hours every day, next year this time I would be 30 days younger. Now that’s my definition of “extending.”
After breakfast (I was asleep on the plane when breakfast was served) and a sugar-free, vanilla latte, it was off to Kuhio Beach for that rejuvenating swim under the swaying coconut palms—a taste of heaven-on-earth. Think about it: A place of “healing waters,” thirst-quenching rivers” and “life-giving trees” where “time will be no more” (Revelation 22). Those of you still trying to untangle from the Hairball, see what you have to look forward to? We, the retired sanctified, are just a wee bit closer.
I barely missed the cut and was able to retire at age 65 (extensions began immediately thereafter), followed now by almost 7 years of “heaven-on-earth” bliss. During those 65 years I spent most of my time, as MacKenzie says in Orbiting, “daubing more or less inside the lines.” For the first time, during these 7 years, I have felt entirely free to paint my masterpiece unencumbered by the Hairball.
He goes on to write, “The stifled strokes of paint had nothing to do with me. They did not illustrate who I am or speak of whom I could become. I felt duped, cheated, ashamed—anguished that I had wasted so much canvas, so much paint. I was angry that I had been conned into doing so.”
“But that is the past. Passed.”
“Today I wield a wider brush—pure ox-bristle. And I’m swooping it through the sensuous goo of Cadmium Yellow, Alizarin Crimson or Ultramarine Blue (not 4, 13 or 8) to create the biggest, brightest, funniest, fiercest damn dragon that I can. Because that has more to do with what’s inside of me than some prescribed plagiarism of somebody else’s tour de force.”
I can echo a loud “Amen!” to that.
He goes on to write, “You have a masterpiece inside you, too, you know. One unlike any that has ever been created, or ever will be. And remember:”
“If you go to your grave
without painting
your masterpiece
it will not
get painted.
No one else
can paint it.
Only you.”
So it’s back to the heavenly drawing board for me, free from the threat of those Hairball limiting “extensions.” I’m actually painting “The River of Life” right now. Mine is filled with sugar-free, non-fat vanilla lattes! And without the hassle of a Hairball controlled petty cash reimbursement, mind you. I wonder what yours might look like?
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Friday, August 15, 2008
God Forbid!
I’m vacationing (perpetual for me) in Hawaii right now with Barack, as in Obama, the presumptive Presidential nominee for the Democratic Party. Well we’re on the same island together anyway. And there are some significant differences between the two of us believe it or not. When all of the tourists spot him they think, Who’s Who. When I wave they think, Who’s He? He’s running for President of the United States of America; I was just appointed a Committee Chairperson for my home-owners association. He’s young; I’m old. Come to think of it, so is his Republican counterpart, John McCain, a fellow septuagenarian. The difference is, he’s running whilst I’m rocking (as in retired).
Think about it. Can you imagine a 71-year-old as Commander-in-Chief? God forbid! I mean isn’t seventy synonymous with senility? What about the atrophying muscles and sagging body parts? After all, “The old grey mare ain’t what she used to be.” Those years of experience, accumulated wisdom and sacrifice can’t compare to a youthful enthusiasm and minimal body fat, can they?
Wait a minute! Obama just turned 48 a week ago, didn’t he? So what if most mornings include an hour-long, full body workout with standing tricep push downs, lying triceps presses with single 15 lbs dumbbells in each hand, shoulder presses, step ups with a high platform, clasping dumbbells, 50 lbs overhead dumbbell extensions and calf raises lifting about 80 lbs? Whew! Do trimness, charisma and youthful enthusiasm a world leader make? Think about it. Would you want a 48-year-old answering the “red telephone” in the White House? God forbid!
Can you imagine a stuttering, 80-year-old prophet facing up to a dictatorial regime and leading an entire nation into the Promised Land (Moses)? Or a 37-year-old annointed as King of Israel (David)? Or a prophet who was taken into captivity as a teenager, but was not to receive the Prophecy of 70 Weeks (Daniel 9) until in his 80’s? Or a 30-year-old anointed as the King of Kings? Or a 40-year-old Pope/General (The Salvation Army)? Or a 71-year-old active Territorial Commander (TSA)?
GOD FORBID?
P.S. Written while rocking…after a two-mile swim and 200 sit-ups, that is.
JN
Think about it. Can you imagine a 71-year-old as Commander-in-Chief? God forbid! I mean isn’t seventy synonymous with senility? What about the atrophying muscles and sagging body parts? After all, “The old grey mare ain’t what she used to be.” Those years of experience, accumulated wisdom and sacrifice can’t compare to a youthful enthusiasm and minimal body fat, can they?
Wait a minute! Obama just turned 48 a week ago, didn’t he? So what if most mornings include an hour-long, full body workout with standing tricep push downs, lying triceps presses with single 15 lbs dumbbells in each hand, shoulder presses, step ups with a high platform, clasping dumbbells, 50 lbs overhead dumbbell extensions and calf raises lifting about 80 lbs? Whew! Do trimness, charisma and youthful enthusiasm a world leader make? Think about it. Would you want a 48-year-old answering the “red telephone” in the White House? God forbid!
Can you imagine a stuttering, 80-year-old prophet facing up to a dictatorial regime and leading an entire nation into the Promised Land (Moses)? Or a 37-year-old annointed as King of Israel (David)? Or a prophet who was taken into captivity as a teenager, but was not to receive the Prophecy of 70 Weeks (Daniel 9) until in his 80’s? Or a 30-year-old anointed as the King of Kings? Or a 40-year-old Pope/General (The Salvation Army)? Or a 71-year-old active Territorial Commander (TSA)?
GOD FORBID?
P.S. Written while rocking…after a two-mile swim and 200 sit-ups, that is.
JN
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Rites of Change!
Written for the June 1984 issue of “The Orange Blossom” - Santa Ana Corps newsletter (Introductory comment @ Slightly Irregular - right):
I find it difficult to conceal the smile on my face these days. You see, the annual Salvation Army “Rites of Change” have concluded and our names were missing from the list. The yearly ritual goes something like this:
February: The Dance of Initial Speculation. Involvement is entirely voluntary and only requires letting your fingers dance through the “Disposition of Forces” pages. It employs the “process of elimination,” with the following clues in mind:
1. Take note of the “date appointed” (revealing number of years in their appointment) and write the “farewell odds” next to each name, utilizing the following formula: 1 Year – 10%; 2 Years – 20%; 3 Years – 40 %, etc. For example, we have been in our appointment for 4 years now, so the odds of our name being on the list are at 60% - thus the smile (beat the odds).
2. Designate “giftedness” or “specialized reputations” next to each name as follows: (!) = Program; (*) = Detailed; ($) = Finance; (?) = Youth. This helps to narrow the field.
3. Circle rank and age as this is vital for certain appointments.
March: The Ritual of Retirement. Every territory has a Savant who can recite with great accuracy the entire litany of ages and retirement dates. If asked he/she will give you a wallet-sized card so listed chronologically. Or you can go to the back of The Yearbook. These dates will be very helpful in narrowing the field.
April: The Chant of Rumors. As June draws nigh, rumors will begin to resound with increasing frequency. Listen carefully, keeping track of how many times you hear the rumor. If those making the appointments hear them often enough they will begin to think it is their idea.
May: The Rhythm of Reviews. Divisional Reviews are now complete with a confidential evaluation shared on every officer along with appointment recommendations. Whilst these are done confidentially, there are certain telltale signs to look for: (1) names obviously omitted from the Camp Meeting responsibility list (2) those failing to reach their Self Denial target (3) statistical comparisons, noting those who are “down” (4) the “twitch” or “tic” a DC or TC develops when addressing certain officers. Body language is a powerful tool.
June: The Incantation of Compilation. Now, after carefully adhering to the above, write every name and appointment, separately, on a piece of paper, place into a collection plate, mix thoroughly and pull them out randomly matching name to appointment. Your chances of getting it right are as good as any.
Let me tell you about the one ultimate appointment I’m sure of, sans all of the guesswork. My name’s already written down in the Lamb’s Book of Life. Hope yours is too!
J
I find it difficult to conceal the smile on my face these days. You see, the annual Salvation Army “Rites of Change” have concluded and our names were missing from the list. The yearly ritual goes something like this:
February: The Dance of Initial Speculation. Involvement is entirely voluntary and only requires letting your fingers dance through the “Disposition of Forces” pages. It employs the “process of elimination,” with the following clues in mind:
1. Take note of the “date appointed” (revealing number of years in their appointment) and write the “farewell odds” next to each name, utilizing the following formula: 1 Year – 10%; 2 Years – 20%; 3 Years – 40 %, etc. For example, we have been in our appointment for 4 years now, so the odds of our name being on the list are at 60% - thus the smile (beat the odds).
2. Designate “giftedness” or “specialized reputations” next to each name as follows: (!) = Program; (*) = Detailed; ($) = Finance; (?) = Youth. This helps to narrow the field.
3. Circle rank and age as this is vital for certain appointments.
March: The Ritual of Retirement. Every territory has a Savant who can recite with great accuracy the entire litany of ages and retirement dates. If asked he/she will give you a wallet-sized card so listed chronologically. Or you can go to the back of The Yearbook. These dates will be very helpful in narrowing the field.
April: The Chant of Rumors. As June draws nigh, rumors will begin to resound with increasing frequency. Listen carefully, keeping track of how many times you hear the rumor. If those making the appointments hear them often enough they will begin to think it is their idea.
May: The Rhythm of Reviews. Divisional Reviews are now complete with a confidential evaluation shared on every officer along with appointment recommendations. Whilst these are done confidentially, there are certain telltale signs to look for: (1) names obviously omitted from the Camp Meeting responsibility list (2) those failing to reach their Self Denial target (3) statistical comparisons, noting those who are “down” (4) the “twitch” or “tic” a DC or TC develops when addressing certain officers. Body language is a powerful tool.
June: The Incantation of Compilation. Now, after carefully adhering to the above, write every name and appointment, separately, on a piece of paper, place into a collection plate, mix thoroughly and pull them out randomly matching name to appointment. Your chances of getting it right are as good as any.
Let me tell you about the one ultimate appointment I’m sure of, sans all of the guesswork. My name’s already written down in the Lamb’s Book of Life. Hope yours is too!
J
Monday, January 14, 2008
Nutters!
Junk mail, get it whether I want it or not. Spam likewise. I Googled the word, “Spam” thinking it was an acronym for something and found a different one to define it, “UBE” – Unsolicited Bulk Email. I still have no idea why the word, “Spam,” is used in this context.
My search did lead me to an acronym for SPAM in a completely different context, however – Shoulder of Pork and hAM. UGH! My grandchildren in Hawaii love it, especially in the form of Spam Musubi – “a block of salted (not vinegared; that would be sushi) rice with a slice of Spam (cooked or uncooked) on top, and typically nori (dried seaweed) surrounding it to keep it in shape.” YUK!
According to Wikipedia, “In the United States, the residents of the state of Hawaii and the territories of Guam and the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands consume the most Spam per capita. On average, each person on Guam consumes 16 tins of Spam each year…In Hawaii, Spam is so popular it is sometimes dubbed ‘The Hawaiian Steak.’” It goes on to say, “Many jocular ‘backronyms’ have been devised, such as ‘Something Posing As Meat’ and ‘Spare Parts Animal Meat’ or ‘Special Purpose Army Meat.’" There must be a sermon illustration in there somewhere?
Now where was I? Oh yes, we arrived home, after an extended two month absence, and the mail had piled up, mostly junk mail, advertisements for Viagra, reverse mortgages, hair loss (growth) formulas, hearing loss solutions, memory loss treatments and back copies of various magazines, including AARP (all age related mind you). In the mix were three back copies of one of our church denominational magazines. Here’s where I get a bit befuddled.
I, an American, receive the The Salvation Army British Territory’s “Salvationist” (denominational paper) whether I want it or not. It used to be an international paper published by our Headquarters in London, but that all changed somewhere along the way. Yet we still get it and most pay for it whether they want to or not.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s an excellent publication (certainly not junk mail in that sense of the word), geared to the British audience, obviously. And they have reason to be proud of it. It’s just that I have no desire or need to know the itinerary of their territorial leaders. Places like Market Rasen, Sleaford and Basingstoke are totally off my radar screen. The Territorial Commander’s column is spot on for that part of the European Continent, but I would be more interested in what my own leaders are doing and saying – Butte, Albuquerque, Kake, Escondido, Pohnpei, now you’re talking my language.
It’s nice to know that their TC sent an anniversary message to the Queen, but the concept of royalty doesn’t even begin to compute with me, culturally. And I’m glad to know that SP&S is “On the Road, “Coming to Worthing and Winton Corps” (wherever they are). I must admit that it does make me a little envious, though, being that my own territory doesn’t have a Supplies and Purchasing Department of its very own.
Then there are the adverts (“ads”), like this one: “Do YOU know anyone linked to The Salvation Army who does not get a copy of “Salvationist” every week? There are employees, regular worshippers, friends, clients, former Salvationists and others who will enjoy reading a copy regularly if they receive it.” In the lower right-hand corner there is a large star with the inscription, “Still only 60p” (however much that is). The byline reads, “Salvationist – the essential read for everyone linked to The Salvation Army.” Perhaps that should be extended to read, “…in the British Territory,” don’t you think? Besides where are my friends going to find 60P, huh?
I do enjoy the “Letters and News” section and can relate to a recent letter to the editor titled, “We are a corps not a corpse.” The writer was relating to “our corps here at Sudbury (wherever that is) referred to as a corpse” in a telephone inquiry. He went on to say, “Couldn’t we find a better way to describe our church centres (“centres” doesn’t jive with my Spell Check) – or perhaps our centres of evangelism? I want people to know that we are alive and kicking, not dead and buried.” Fire a Volley! Amen! Even an American Salvationist can understand and connect with those feelings.
A recent column by the editor was headlined, “Nutters do it together.” It was in reference to Tony Blair not speaking out about his faith because “he felt he would be thought ‘a nutter.” Huh? I don’t know what it means, but if speaking out about your faith makes you one, lay it on me.
When the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place…And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit…And there were dwelling in Jerusalem Jews, devout men, from every nation under heaven. And when this sound occurred, the multitude came together, and were confused, because everyone heard them speak in his own language... we hear them speaking in our own tongues the wonderful works of God…’ Some, however, made fun of them and said, "They have had too much wine. (Paraphrased: “These guys are nutters”) – Acts 2:1-13.
OK, with those kind of editorials maybe the “Salvationist” is worth 60p a week (however much that is), even in America… whether we understand it or not.
My search did lead me to an acronym for SPAM in a completely different context, however – Shoulder of Pork and hAM. UGH! My grandchildren in Hawaii love it, especially in the form of Spam Musubi – “a block of salted (not vinegared; that would be sushi) rice with a slice of Spam (cooked or uncooked) on top, and typically nori (dried seaweed) surrounding it to keep it in shape.” YUK!
According to Wikipedia, “In the United States, the residents of the state of Hawaii and the territories of Guam and the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands consume the most Spam per capita. On average, each person on Guam consumes 16 tins of Spam each year…In Hawaii, Spam is so popular it is sometimes dubbed ‘The Hawaiian Steak.’” It goes on to say, “Many jocular ‘backronyms’ have been devised, such as ‘Something Posing As Meat’ and ‘Spare Parts Animal Meat’ or ‘Special Purpose Army Meat.’" There must be a sermon illustration in there somewhere?
Now where was I? Oh yes, we arrived home, after an extended two month absence, and the mail had piled up, mostly junk mail, advertisements for Viagra, reverse mortgages, hair loss (growth) formulas, hearing loss solutions, memory loss treatments and back copies of various magazines, including AARP (all age related mind you). In the mix were three back copies of one of our church denominational magazines. Here’s where I get a bit befuddled.
I, an American, receive the The Salvation Army British Territory’s “Salvationist” (denominational paper) whether I want it or not. It used to be an international paper published by our Headquarters in London, but that all changed somewhere along the way. Yet we still get it and most pay for it whether they want to or not.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s an excellent publication (certainly not junk mail in that sense of the word), geared to the British audience, obviously. And they have reason to be proud of it. It’s just that I have no desire or need to know the itinerary of their territorial leaders. Places like Market Rasen, Sleaford and Basingstoke are totally off my radar screen. The Territorial Commander’s column is spot on for that part of the European Continent, but I would be more interested in what my own leaders are doing and saying – Butte, Albuquerque, Kake, Escondido, Pohnpei, now you’re talking my language.
It’s nice to know that their TC sent an anniversary message to the Queen, but the concept of royalty doesn’t even begin to compute with me, culturally. And I’m glad to know that SP&S is “On the Road, “Coming to Worthing and Winton Corps” (wherever they are). I must admit that it does make me a little envious, though, being that my own territory doesn’t have a Supplies and Purchasing Department of its very own.
Then there are the adverts (“ads”), like this one: “Do YOU know anyone linked to The Salvation Army who does not get a copy of “Salvationist” every week? There are employees, regular worshippers, friends, clients, former Salvationists and others who will enjoy reading a copy regularly if they receive it.” In the lower right-hand corner there is a large star with the inscription, “Still only 60p” (however much that is). The byline reads, “Salvationist – the essential read for everyone linked to The Salvation Army.” Perhaps that should be extended to read, “…in the British Territory,” don’t you think? Besides where are my friends going to find 60P, huh?
I do enjoy the “Letters and News” section and can relate to a recent letter to the editor titled, “We are a corps not a corpse.” The writer was relating to “our corps here at Sudbury (wherever that is) referred to as a corpse” in a telephone inquiry. He went on to say, “Couldn’t we find a better way to describe our church centres (“centres” doesn’t jive with my Spell Check) – or perhaps our centres of evangelism? I want people to know that we are alive and kicking, not dead and buried.” Fire a Volley! Amen! Even an American Salvationist can understand and connect with those feelings.
A recent column by the editor was headlined, “Nutters do it together.” It was in reference to Tony Blair not speaking out about his faith because “he felt he would be thought ‘a nutter.” Huh? I don’t know what it means, but if speaking out about your faith makes you one, lay it on me.
When the Day of Pentecost had fully come, they were all with one accord in one place…And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit…And there were dwelling in Jerusalem Jews, devout men, from every nation under heaven. And when this sound occurred, the multitude came together, and were confused, because everyone heard them speak in his own language... we hear them speaking in our own tongues the wonderful works of God…’ Some, however, made fun of them and said, "They have had too much wine. (Paraphrased: “These guys are nutters”) – Acts 2:1-13.
OK, with those kind of editorials maybe the “Salvationist” is worth 60p a week (however much that is), even in America… whether we understand it or not.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Halos!
There has been some real excitement here on the island of Oahu since our return. The University of Hawaii Warrior Football Team won its final game, the only team in the nation with a perfect record, thus earning an invite to the Sugar Bowl. The stadium was filled to capacity, and afterwards there was a “Hallelujah Windup” in Waikiki, keeping us up half the night. If they win the Sugar Bowl, you can rest assured that their helmets will be replaced with halos.
The Honolulu Marathon took place last weekend with thousands of runners and even more revelers. Fireworks very early in the morning (to announce the start of the race), startled us out of our blissful reverie (visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads). Later on we ventured over to the finish line for the "Hallelujah Windup" which lasted deep into the night.
Look, who in their right mind would get up at 4:00 a.m. and pay $140 to run 26 miles, only to receive a crummy yellow T-shirt with the inscription, “2007 Finisher, Honolulu Marathon.” And to top it off, celebrate that insanity all night long! Needless to say, I felt very inferior, sticking out like a sore halo in that sea of yellow T-shirts, wearing my old, grubby, faded white “Jesus Saves” one.
The “Triple Crown of Surfing” is another annual December event out on Oahu’s North Shore, concluding with the Pipeline Masters – waves sometimes higher than a five-story building. And the Aussies swept it all. The Pipeline break is a wave that literally halos every surfer who passes through and under it. And thousands braved that primitive, two-lane road to watch these haloed rides, yours truly included. The “Hallelujah Windup” was celebrated, bumper-to-bumper deep into the night on the long trek home.
Last, but not least, was our four-year old granddaughter’s preschool Christmas pageant the other day. She was (is) an angel and spoke her line confidently and to perfection, making the buttons on her Tutu’s (Grandparent’s) tunics pop. The climax came, however, during the benedictory prayer when all of the precious little angels started throwing their halos at each other – the quintessential “Hallelujah Windup,” don’t you think? I may be mistaken, but I think my church did it that way once upon a time, celebrating deep into the night while tossing their “hallelujah halos” at one another. DIDN’T THEY?
By the way, her spoken line was, “PEACE ON EARTH!”
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests. (Luke 2:13-14 NIV)
I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27 TLB)
God’s saints need to give their halos a hallelujah workout every once-in-a-while, DON’T YOU THINK? Why should the world have all the fun?
Note 1: “Halo Tossing” is an art form perfected by the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit. Admittedly, sometimes the Spirit is not present in the tossing.
Note 2: “Hallelujah Windup” is Salvation Army Speak for the victory celebration that occurs following prayer meetings where seeking souls have found “peace of mind and heart!” Pictured below is a photo I took at the Pipeline Break showing the “halo wave” beginning to take shape, followed by that precious angel mentioned above (Her halo now snugly in place).
The Honolulu Marathon took place last weekend with thousands of runners and even more revelers. Fireworks very early in the morning (to announce the start of the race), startled us out of our blissful reverie (visions of sugar plums dancing in our heads). Later on we ventured over to the finish line for the "Hallelujah Windup" which lasted deep into the night.
Look, who in their right mind would get up at 4:00 a.m. and pay $140 to run 26 miles, only to receive a crummy yellow T-shirt with the inscription, “2007 Finisher, Honolulu Marathon.” And to top it off, celebrate that insanity all night long! Needless to say, I felt very inferior, sticking out like a sore halo in that sea of yellow T-shirts, wearing my old, grubby, faded white “Jesus Saves” one.
The “Triple Crown of Surfing” is another annual December event out on Oahu’s North Shore, concluding with the Pipeline Masters – waves sometimes higher than a five-story building. And the Aussies swept it all. The Pipeline break is a wave that literally halos every surfer who passes through and under it. And thousands braved that primitive, two-lane road to watch these haloed rides, yours truly included. The “Hallelujah Windup” was celebrated, bumper-to-bumper deep into the night on the long trek home.
Last, but not least, was our four-year old granddaughter’s preschool Christmas pageant the other day. She was (is) an angel and spoke her line confidently and to perfection, making the buttons on her Tutu’s (Grandparent’s) tunics pop. The climax came, however, during the benedictory prayer when all of the precious little angels started throwing their halos at each other – the quintessential “Hallelujah Windup,” don’t you think? I may be mistaken, but I think my church did it that way once upon a time, celebrating deep into the night while tossing their “hallelujah halos” at one another. DIDN’T THEY?
By the way, her spoken line was, “PEACE ON EARTH!”
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests. (Luke 2:13-14 NIV)
I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid. (John 14:27 TLB)
God’s saints need to give their halos a hallelujah workout every once-in-a-while, DON’T YOU THINK? Why should the world have all the fun?
Note 1: “Halo Tossing” is an art form perfected by the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit. Admittedly, sometimes the Spirit is not present in the tossing.
Note 2: “Hallelujah Windup” is Salvation Army Speak for the victory celebration that occurs following prayer meetings where seeking souls have found “peace of mind and heart!” Pictured below is a photo I took at the Pipeline Break showing the “halo wave” beginning to take shape, followed by that precious angel mentioned above (Her halo now snugly in place).
Sunday, December 9, 2007
Bungying
These irreverent thoughts were formed while standing on the old picturesque Kawarau Bridge, strung out high across a deep, beautiful, majestic gorge outside Queenstown, New Zealand, where we watched crazy people jump 43 meters (141 ft) attached to a bungy cord…141 feet straight down, did you get that? This all took place in 8.5 seconds, and for a measly $140 per jump, or if you really want to get technical, $16.50 per second. I was told they average 100 jumps per day, you calculate the math.
The propaganda reads, “The world's first and most infamous of leaps is still going strong, with tens of thousands Bungying each year. At the world's best-loved Bungy site, you can choose from a number of options; topple over backwards, forwards, with another person, spin or somersault. Kawarau Bridge Bungy is also the only Bungy in Queenstown where you can choose to bob above the water, touch it, or be fully immersed.”
While watching the crazies jump, my fertile church growth imagination kicked into overdrive with this creative thought, Bungy Baptisms! Wait a minute! Before you pooh pooh the idea, hear me out. Think objectively – three for the price of one.
1. Evangelism: It will attract this emerging, risk-taking prone generation (the future).
2. Membership: The rolls will grow exponentially – by the “tens of thousands.”
3. Tithing: Calculate the math.
And there are options for every theological persuasion: Non-sacramental - bob above the water; Semi-sacramental - touch the water; Sacramental - full emersion. This might even be the beginning of an unprecedented ecumenical movement.
Think of the recruiting slogan possibilities, “Jump for Jesus,” being one. Coincidentally, there’s already a theme song written (If so inspired, email me for the details):
Jump, jump, jump for Jesus.
Jump, jump, for He is Lord.
Jump, jump, jump for Jesus.
Jump, jump, for He is Lord.
(Repeat chorus)
He is my rock, and on His Word I’ll stand.
He is my shield, and on Him I’ll depend.
The sword of the Spirit
He’s placed in my hand.
He sets my feet on a high place to stand.
(Repeat chorus 4x then repeat verse,
repeat chorus 2x)
I can read your minds, those of you out there with more fertile imaginations than mine. How about a competition between churches with the theme, 'Doing the Most Jumps,' I hear you thinking. Shame on you!
Before pressing that delete button, hear me out! Satire cannot exist apart from reality. Catherine Booth, Co-founder of The Salvation Army, puts this reality into perspective with the following excerpt from her preaching series on “Aggressive Christianity":
I want you to note that the only law laid down in the New Testament for the prosecution of this kind of aggressive warfare is the law of adaptation …That is, adapt ourselves and our measures to the social and spiritual condition of those whom we seek to benefit. It is here that I conceive that our Churches have fallen into such grievous mistakes with reference to the propagation of the Gospel in our own times. We have stood to our stereotyped forms, refusing to come down from the routine of our forefathers, although this routine has ceased to be attractive to the people, nay, in many instances, the very thing that drives them away… you must interest them. You must clothe the truth in such garb, and convey it by such mediums, as will arouse their attention and interest their minds. In short, we must come down to them…If they will not come inside our consecrated buildings, we must get at them in unconsecrated ones, or out under the canopy of heaven…He acted upon the principle of adaptation… and chose the best adapted instruments for His purpose… and sent them out into the bye-ways and hedges, the fields, the market-place, the sea-shore, and the hill-side; in short, He sent them wherever the people were to be got at.
I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. 1 Cor 9:22 NIV)
Catherine would have Bungy jumped for Jesus had the sport existed in her day, no doubt about it... sans the baptism part, me thinks.
The propaganda reads, “The world's first and most infamous of leaps is still going strong, with tens of thousands Bungying each year. At the world's best-loved Bungy site, you can choose from a number of options; topple over backwards, forwards, with another person, spin or somersault. Kawarau Bridge Bungy is also the only Bungy in Queenstown where you can choose to bob above the water, touch it, or be fully immersed.”
While watching the crazies jump, my fertile church growth imagination kicked into overdrive with this creative thought, Bungy Baptisms! Wait a minute! Before you pooh pooh the idea, hear me out. Think objectively – three for the price of one.
1. Evangelism: It will attract this emerging, risk-taking prone generation (the future).
2. Membership: The rolls will grow exponentially – by the “tens of thousands.”
3. Tithing: Calculate the math.
And there are options for every theological persuasion: Non-sacramental - bob above the water; Semi-sacramental - touch the water; Sacramental - full emersion. This might even be the beginning of an unprecedented ecumenical movement.
Think of the recruiting slogan possibilities, “Jump for Jesus,” being one. Coincidentally, there’s already a theme song written (If so inspired, email me for the details):
Jump, jump, jump for Jesus.
Jump, jump, for He is Lord.
Jump, jump, jump for Jesus.
Jump, jump, for He is Lord.
(Repeat chorus)
He is my rock, and on His Word I’ll stand.
He is my shield, and on Him I’ll depend.
The sword of the Spirit
He’s placed in my hand.
He sets my feet on a high place to stand.
(Repeat chorus 4x then repeat verse,
repeat chorus 2x)
I can read your minds, those of you out there with more fertile imaginations than mine. How about a competition between churches with the theme, 'Doing the Most Jumps,' I hear you thinking. Shame on you!
Before pressing that delete button, hear me out! Satire cannot exist apart from reality. Catherine Booth, Co-founder of The Salvation Army, puts this reality into perspective with the following excerpt from her preaching series on “Aggressive Christianity":
I want you to note that the only law laid down in the New Testament for the prosecution of this kind of aggressive warfare is the law of adaptation …That is, adapt ourselves and our measures to the social and spiritual condition of those whom we seek to benefit. It is here that I conceive that our Churches have fallen into such grievous mistakes with reference to the propagation of the Gospel in our own times. We have stood to our stereotyped forms, refusing to come down from the routine of our forefathers, although this routine has ceased to be attractive to the people, nay, in many instances, the very thing that drives them away… you must interest them. You must clothe the truth in such garb, and convey it by such mediums, as will arouse their attention and interest their minds. In short, we must come down to them…If they will not come inside our consecrated buildings, we must get at them in unconsecrated ones, or out under the canopy of heaven…He acted upon the principle of adaptation… and chose the best adapted instruments for His purpose… and sent them out into the bye-ways and hedges, the fields, the market-place, the sea-shore, and the hill-side; in short, He sent them wherever the people were to be got at.
I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. 1 Cor 9:22 NIV)
Catherine would have Bungy jumped for Jesus had the sport existed in her day, no doubt about it... sans the baptism part, me thinks.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Innies!
“Hi, my name is Joe and I’m an introvert.” There, I’ve said it out loud. Leaving Hawaii, where introversion (laid back) is a way of life, and returning to California (fast lane), where extroversion abounds, I’m immediately reminded of my own personal proclivity toward timidity (Did I really write that?), except on the freeways where I become a freaked out, cursing (heck, darn, stupid, idiot), horn-blowing, egomaniac like the rest of them! It’s interesting how dispositions can change quickly when secure in the safe, womblike confines of an automobile, isn’t it?
In my denomination, we wear a military style uniform. I’ve noticed a scary womblike similarity when one dons the tunic, and it gets even scarier depending upon the cut of the shoulder braid. Why I’ve actually seen genetically inherent recluses instantly take on a Marine Corps, drill-sergeant type persona with braid and/or title change. It is a metamorphosis that borders on the miraculous. Clerical collars, likewise.
We’re not alone, though. Traffic cops are famous for it. I was a Marine and have experienced, first-hand, the transformation that occurs with the addition of one stripe on a sleeve – three stripes over crossed rifles, look out! And how about those airport screeners with “TSA” stamped on their uniform blouses (now there’s a frightening acronym for you)? Does “Gestapo” come to mind?
It shouldn’t be surprising, though. In our culture, the extrovert is valued and rewarded, whilst introversion is looked upon as a weakness. To make matters worse, introverts are out numbered about three to one. From the moment of awakening, we are pressured to “shape up” and conform to the majority world around us.
But take heart, my fellow introverts, hope is on the way. Why, there’s even a website for introverts, www.theintrovertadvantage.com, and a book by same title. Let us unite! – Wake up to the fact that we have the upper hand. The world is in the mess it’s in because of all those pushy, garrulous, loud-mouthed extroverts out there. For example, it has been carefully documented that extroverts speak before thinking, whilst introverts think deeply before speaking and/or acting. Also, other studies show that we are “flexible, independent, self-reflective, studious and smart, with an uncanny ability for creative, out-of-the-box thinking.
And we’re in good company. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Johnny Carson and the Apostle John were “Innies” (Slang for introverts)? Contrast John’s disposition with that of the Apostle, Peter for a Biblical comparison.
Maybe the answer is to design our very own uniform with “Innies” part of the insignia, and the above mentioned persons our patron saints. Not only will the uniform identify and empower us; it will also signify that we are members of an exclusive grouping open only to those who act, talk (or don’t talk) and think like us.
Hmmm. On second thought, maybe these uniforms already exist!
Peter fairly exploded with his good news: ‘It’s God’s own truth, nothing could be plainer: God plays no favorites! It makes no difference who you are or where you’re from—if you want God and are ready to do as he says, the door is open. The Message he sent to the children of Israel—that through Jesus Christ everything is being put together again—well, he’s doing it everywhere, among everyone.’ (Acts 10:34-35 The Message)
Come Join us!
PS – All-inclusive, every disposition welcomed. No uniform required!
In my denomination, we wear a military style uniform. I’ve noticed a scary womblike similarity when one dons the tunic, and it gets even scarier depending upon the cut of the shoulder braid. Why I’ve actually seen genetically inherent recluses instantly take on a Marine Corps, drill-sergeant type persona with braid and/or title change. It is a metamorphosis that borders on the miraculous. Clerical collars, likewise.
We’re not alone, though. Traffic cops are famous for it. I was a Marine and have experienced, first-hand, the transformation that occurs with the addition of one stripe on a sleeve – three stripes over crossed rifles, look out! And how about those airport screeners with “TSA” stamped on their uniform blouses (now there’s a frightening acronym for you)? Does “Gestapo” come to mind?
It shouldn’t be surprising, though. In our culture, the extrovert is valued and rewarded, whilst introversion is looked upon as a weakness. To make matters worse, introverts are out numbered about three to one. From the moment of awakening, we are pressured to “shape up” and conform to the majority world around us.
But take heart, my fellow introverts, hope is on the way. Why, there’s even a website for introverts, www.theintrovertadvantage.com, and a book by same title. Let us unite! – Wake up to the fact that we have the upper hand. The world is in the mess it’s in because of all those pushy, garrulous, loud-mouthed extroverts out there. For example, it has been carefully documented that extroverts speak before thinking, whilst introverts think deeply before speaking and/or acting. Also, other studies show that we are “flexible, independent, self-reflective, studious and smart, with an uncanny ability for creative, out-of-the-box thinking.
And we’re in good company. Did you know that Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Johnny Carson and the Apostle John were “Innies” (Slang for introverts)? Contrast John’s disposition with that of the Apostle, Peter for a Biblical comparison.
Maybe the answer is to design our very own uniform with “Innies” part of the insignia, and the above mentioned persons our patron saints. Not only will the uniform identify and empower us; it will also signify that we are members of an exclusive grouping open only to those who act, talk (or don’t talk) and think like us.
Hmmm. On second thought, maybe these uniforms already exist!
Peter fairly exploded with his good news: ‘It’s God’s own truth, nothing could be plainer: God plays no favorites! It makes no difference who you are or where you’re from—if you want God and are ready to do as he says, the door is open. The Message he sent to the children of Israel—that through Jesus Christ everything is being put together again—well, he’s doing it everywhere, among everyone.’ (Acts 10:34-35 The Message)
Come Join us!
PS – All-inclusive, every disposition welcomed. No uniform required!
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